Ten More Days Till Christmas!!!

Yay!!  10 more days until Christmas... except I'm really not all that happy about that.  I am a little depressed and it can not be pin pointed to just one thing.  It is one of those "My-plate-has-been-so-full-that-I-am-seeing-things-differently" kinda years.

So why am I depressed?  Aside from the horrible tragedy in CT yesterday, there are many things.  First off, I am so missing my Daddy right now.  I am trying my best to make it as good as possible but I can't fool myself.  I miss him terribly bad.  We had a bit of a tradition on Christmas mornings.  His house is super close, like a blocks walking distance, to my trailer down a small dirt road.  On Christmas morning, I would call him over so he could watch his grandchildren open their Christmas presents.  This will be the first year without him and it is not sitting well with me..

Secondly, me and my mother don't exactly have the best relationship.  Yea.  So.  We do not talk anymore.  We had a bit of a falling out after my Daddy passed away.  Yea I kinda went off on her about a lot of pint up things and I know that I shouldn't have now but I did stop by her work and apologize to her.  Then she blocked me on Facebook.  But maybe that is a post for another time..

Thirdly, my husband works on a tug boat.  28 days gone and 14 home.  And guess what??  That's right!  He won't be home for Christmas..

Fourth, even though my husband works off like that he does not make much money.  I know.  I know.  Everybody is always like, "Ohhh yea he may not be home for Christmas but you have plenty of money to have a great Christmas".  Yea.  No that couldn't be further from the truth.  Long story short - he was unemployed and was begging for work and after months of unemployment he finally found a job.  We said, "YAY!!" and he went off on the tug boat the very next day.  Then we found out that it was a business that hired convicted felons and paid very little.  That was in May of this year.  We have $1,500 in bills every month and that does not include gasoline, food or necessities.  When every third check is only $200 it is kinda hard to pay bills.  Anyways.  So Christmas presents are not great this year.  My mother-in-law made sure the kids have presents.  If it wasn't for her, they probably wouldn't have anything.

Fifth, this goes along with the last one but I am gonna put it anyways.  Being late on bills.  It is very stressful.  The car note is behind.  Had the electric company come out last week trying to turn off the power.  Ran out of propane gas so couldn't cook or have hot bath.  Gotta pinch every single penny.  No snacks for the kids.  I think that one is the hardest.

Sixth, friends and family drama.  I am just tired of it.  Why can't we all just get along???  Don't get me wrong.  I'm far from innocent.  I have a problem with speaking my mind.  That is what always gets me in trouble.  And I always think to myself, "Why are they so freaking mad at me??  It was the truth!  Sheeshh!!".  But I am learning that apparently the truth is not wanted so I gotta learn to shut my mouth.

Seventh, we have been sick.  A seemingly never ending sickness of colds, infections, fevers, virus' and stomach bugs.  I am sick and tired of being sick and tired.  UHG!!

Here is to hoping my spirits will be lifted before Christmas.  I am doing my best for my children.  If not for them I don't think I would even be trying.  In fact, I am positive that I would be a bitter ugly person  if not for them.  They give me reason to strive to be a better person.

Fall of 2012

So today is the first day of Fall in the year 2012.  Where shall I begin??

My Daddy passed away in January.  That was ten days after his Aunt Bille had passed away.  My older brother, Tripper, took off to travel.  I love hearing what new places he is visiting but I miss his sarcastic cynical butt!!  Then my grandparents took off to move in with a wealthy lady 8 hours away.  Long story short, they were taken advantage of at a weak time in their life.  Having just lost their only child and my Nana losing her only sister.  That is water under the bridge now though because they have moved into my trailer since I moved into my Daddy's house.  And I'd like to be perfectly clear about something:  I would give up living in his house and live in a cardboard box on the side of the road in a heartbeat, just to have him back.  Although, I am glad that he is no longer suffering.

My first year of completely homeschooling.  We have completed 9 days thus far...  Compared to another homeschooling blog who has already had 50 days, that sounds bad, but it's my first year head on and I think I have plenty of logical excuses.  What with my grandparents moving back and then hurricane Isaac hit and now we are recovering from the flu.  To top it off, my husband works offshore so give me a break!!  OK!!  LOL!!

My "Boutique" turned out to be too much work for a buck.  Literally, I was making stuff and selling it for basically material costs so I wasn't making a profit.  I'm still thinking of making tutorial videos of the things that I make and posting it to my page.  On the other hand, my "Photography" is blooming but I'm not sure if I want it to become a career.  I love it too much.  It's beautiful and fun to me.  I don't want to make it "work".

I can't keep up with life.  It has overtaken me.  I hope to find some stability soon.  Somewhere in all this chaos, I need to have another "War Week".  Ah I love Allison LaMarr!!!  Though I haven't read any of her stuff in probably a year or better, she still influences me.  She has made a permanent impression upon me.

I'm beginning to think that maybe this is just me and my life.  This is the way it will always be.  Dysfunctional and so out of whack.  Hmmm...  Maybe and maybe not.  I just have to wait and see what God has in store for me.

This was Fall 2011

Yea so it's been a couple months since my last post. Been crazy busy and a little depressed. Naomi in dance. Elijah in soccer. My Dad having such a bad infection in his foot that the pain from it gave him a heart attack. My husband got suspended from work about a month ago. Along with trying to keep up with church events, family get togethers, and hanging out with friends.

Life is such a roller coaster ride! Just trying to keep my sanity and stay out of depression is enough of a task!!! There of course are other things that I am not going to tell about... The pain and sorrows that come from living and loving...

These were my Goals in 2011

Ah! Ok! Where do I see myself exactly one year from today?!? In all 8 lanes of my life!!! Well let's see...

8 Life Lanes...

Spiritual Life
Family Life
Professional Life
Personal Development
Physical Health
Financial Health
Social Life
Community Involvement

First off my Spiritual Life has taken the backseat in my life for the past couple of years. So I want to grow in this area! I'm hoping to at least get back to where I was before. Maybe I will be able to salvage the damage that's been done.

My Family Life... This area has never been as strong as it is now! But there is always room for growth!

My Professional Life... This area is hard for me! I need to work on many things in this area! My fears of success, failure, and rejection continue to paralyze me!

Personal Development... Where do I want to be in one year from now? I want to have a schedule! A routine! I want to be able to keep up with life and maybe be one step ahead!

My Physical Health... Aha! I want to be eating healthy! Feeding my children healthy! Exercising regularly! And to have shed 50 pounds!!!

My Financial Health... Well... I would really like to have the Dave Ramsey Plan back in my life! Have my last credit card paid off! Have an emergency fund! And start saving for things!!!

My Social Life is starting to pick back up after being demolished! I don't want to go back to my youths social life! I would prefer a more sober setting! Maybe have some friends to eat lunch with... Idk...

Community Involvement... I actually feel a little excited just thinking about becoming involved in something in the community! Maybe I can find a couple things that won't get in the way of my time with church! That would be wonderful!!!

Of coarse these are not in great detail but it is a start! Now I shall begin my planning process! Make my 168-piece puzzle schedule! Then focus time on each lane of life individually with more concentration and time!!! Lord help!!! God Bless!!!

And here are links to my wonderful mentor, Allison LaMarr:::

The 90-Day Action Transformation!!!
http://www.archiveallisonlamarronline.com/90-day-action.html

Homeschooler's Wish List

Ok so I got this from somebody else (View it here http://www.secular-homeschooling.com/001/bitter_homeschooler.html) but I wanted to tweak it to my personal preferences! I think it's kinda cute! Lol
I am relatively new to homeschooling so I haven't had the "privilege" of being encountered with all of these things! Just thought it would be funny to share!!!

1 Please stop asking us if it's legal. If it is — and it is — it's insulting to imply that we're criminals. And if we were criminals, would we admit it?

2 Learn what the words "socialize" and "socialization" mean, and use the one you really mean instead of mixing them up the way you do now. Socializing means hanging out with other people for fun. Socialization means having acquired the skills necessary to do so successfully and pleasantly. If you're talking to me and my kids, that means that we do in fact go outside now and then to visit the other human beings on the planet, and you can safely assume that we've got a decent grasp of both concepts.

3 Quit interrupting my kid at her dance lesson, scout meeting, choir practice, baseball game, art class, field trip, park day, music class, 4H club, or soccer lesson to ask her if as a homeschooler she ever gets to socialize.

4 We don't look horrified and start quizzing your kids when we hear they're in public school. Please stop drilling our children like potential oil fields to see if we're doing what you consider an adequate job of homeschooling.

5 We didn't go through all the reading, learning, thinking, weighing of options, experimenting, and worrying that goes into homeschooling just to annoy you. Really. This was a deeply personal decision, tailored to the specifics of our family. Stop taking the bare fact of our being homeschoolers as either an affront or a judgment about your own educational decisions.

6 Please stop questioning my competency and demanding to see my credentials. I didn't have to complete a course in catering to successfully cook dinner for my family; I don't need a degree in teaching to educate my children. If spending at least twelve years in the kind of chew-it-up-and-spit-it-out educational facility we call public school left me with so little information in my memory banks that I can't teach the basics of an elementary education to my nearest and dearest, maybe there's a reason I'm so reluctant to send my child to school.

7 If my kid's only six and you ask me with a straight face how I can possibly teach him what he'd learn in school, please understand that you're calling me an idiot. Don't act shocked if I decide to respond in kind.

8 Stop assuming that because the word "home" is right there in "homeschool," we never leave the house. We're the ones who go to the amusement parks, museums, and zoos in the middle of the week and in the off-season and laugh at you because you have to go on weekends and holidays when it's crowded and icky.

9 Stop assuming that because the word "school" is right there in homeschool, we must sit around at a desk for six or eight hours every day, just like your kid does. Even if we're into the "school" side of education — and many of us prefer a more organic approach — we can burn through a lot of material a lot more efficiently, because we don't have to gear our lessons to the lowest common denominator.

10 Stop asking, "But what about the Prom?" Even if the idea that my kid might not be able to indulge in a night of over-hyped, over-priced revelry was enough to break my heart, plenty of kids who do go to school don't get to go to the Prom. For all you know, I'm one of them. I might still be bitter about it. So go be shallow somewhere else.

11 Don't ask my kid if she wouldn't rather go to school unless you don't mind if I ask your kid if he wouldn't rather stay home and get some sleep now and then.

12 Stop saying, "Oh, I could never homeschool!" Even if you think it's some kind of compliment, it sounds more like you're horrified. One of these days, I won't bother disagreeing with you any more.

13 If you can remember anything from chemistry or calculus class, you're allowed to ask how we'll teach these subjects to our kids. If you can't, thank you for the reassurance that we couldn't possibly do a worse job than your teachers did, and might even do a better one.

14 Stop asking about how hard it must be to be my child's teacher as well as her parent. I don't see much difference between bossing my kid around academically and bossing him around the way I do about everything else.

15 Stop saying that my kid is shy, outgoing, aggressive, anxious, quiet, boisterous, argumentative, pouty, fidgety, chatty, whiny, or loud because he's homeschooled. It's not fair that all the kids who go to school can be as annoying as they want to without being branded as representative of anything but childhood.

16 Stop talking about all the great childhood memories my kids won't get because they don't go to school, unless you want me to start asking about all the not-so-great childhood memories you have because you went to school.

17 Here's a thought: If you can't say something nice about homeschooling, don't say anything at all!

Allison LaMarr's "168-Piece Puzzle"

Go on now and check Allison LaMarr out!!! She is totally awesome!!!

Ok I know it's been a while but I'd like to jump head first into something productive instead of rant and rave and talk about all the drama and depressing things that have happened to me as of late. I could mope about my Daddy having a heart attack, or my mother not wanting to see me or her grandchildren because she is afraid I will ask her for money, or my son continuously disobeying and not listening, or my husband being suspended for about a month now and how are we going to pay the bills?!?!?! Along with other many things that make up the pain and sorrow of my daily life...

Instead I would like to announce that I am going to press on. I want to move forward.

So the the title of this post might have you confused. And if so I would like to inform you that the "168-Piece Puzzle" is a reflection of our weekly life. We have 168 hours in one week and unless you plan your work and work your plan then you have failed to plan and planned to fail... Sad but true!!! One motto I love (I love pretty much all of them) from Allison LaMarr is, "Remember, it can be challenging to hit a moving target, but it’s DARN NEAR IMPOSSIBLE to hit an invisible one." And that means that YES things may change from what you originally planned!! But if you don't plan at all then it's almost like you have no standards!! If you don't have a plan it's like you are living aimlessly through life!!!

So I will be trying to go through a metamorphosis. I believe there is a beautiful butterfly inside of me just waiting very impatiently to break out and fly!!! Right now I feel like that sluggish caterpillar!!! I can't get enough to eat mentally!!! (and physically LOL). Maybe I'm already in the cocoon process. Idk right now. One thing I do know is that I was meant for sooo much more than this!!!!! I will rise above with the help of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ!!! God Bless!!!

Never Enough

Haha! It's funny when I think about it but it's so true! The more you(I) have, the more you(I) want!!! God has blessed me tremendously lately and I still want more!!! What brought my mind to this thought was me having to come up with some type of budget because we are running a tight ship! Lol. I guess these days everybody is a little hard up for cash.

I have so much to be thankful for but yet I still continue to let my eyes wander... Then I'm looking at what everybody else has!!! Not only do I want what they have, but I find myself wanting to outdo them and their endeavors!!!

I have been told to stop wanting for more and be happy and thankful for what I do have... I am happy and thankful for the good things I have! Lol. But really!!! How do I quit wanting for more?!? More importantly!!! WHY should I try to stop wanting?!? Isn't wanting more the beginning of a dream?!? Shouldn't wanting more make you set your goals higher?!? Doesn't wanting more make you strive for excellence to reach those goals?!?

I don't know about you but I have settled for things in life before and I know now that that was not what God wanted!!! He made us this way for a reason!!! I'm not gonna try to stop my wanting!!! Maybe I should direct my wanting to localized areas but never stop it!!! When you stop wanting then you stop dreaming!!! When you stop dreaming then you stop setting goals!!! And when you stop setting goals you start moving into a stagnant state of comfortable!!! You have settled for less than what God's intended purpose was for you!!!

So dear Lord I pray to you today asking that You not take away my wants!!! But You redirect them in the way that You would have them to go!!! Thank You Lord!!! In Jesus' Name AMEN!!!